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烨峰 江

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October 21

这种曾经唾手可得的幸福

这两天烧菜的时候喜欢哼哼三人游或是红豆,不再像以前那样七里哐啷一顿猛造。
有时候大火收汤比较无聊,还会随手用广告纸折个幸运星什么的扔进碗橱。
这个时候,斑鸠就会安静的坐在我跟前,时不时冲我叫一声。
介绍一下,斑鸠不是周董歌里唱过的印第安老鸟。
斑鸠是一只白底黑斑的小猫,
看上去两三个月大的样子。估计跟婴孩儿12个月左右那样,应该是最好玩的年岁。
他们家一共有五个兄弟,除了斑鸠和小明,其他一律用小灰、小黑、小白称呼。
那么为什么要叫它斑鸠呢?
这个又说来话长了。
因为上个月下班进院子的时候,正好看见他们扎堆玩闹,我就问老CQ,
他们有名字么?
CQ说,有~
怎么没有,一个叫班丘,一个叫哈明,(班丘是我们司机,就是我们常说的跑单,哈明是office boy)
很善意,所以班丘和哈明听了一阵大笑,打断了老CQ再取名字捉弄别人的欲望,
也注定了其他几只小猫“路人甲”“匪兵乙”的龙套命运。
为了表示对本尊的尊重,特此以斑鸠和小明为名,以示区分。
斑鸠是这几个小东西当中最胖的,因为它不怕我们。而且愿意和人亲近,所以得到喂食的机会比较多。
每次我们做饭的时候,它都会耐心的等在边上,等食物的香味出来之后,就会轻轻叫唤一两声,告诉我们它饿了。
于是我们就会在厨房门边上放上一点刚出锅的菜肴,有的时候是一小块牛肉,有的时候是一段肉肠,
我还放过龙虾片,它也吃,或许是闻出虾的味道?我不知道
吃的时候很狼狈,急吼拉吼
因为是刚烧好的,所以很烫。
只好用爪子拨拉一下,又一下
急的围着食物转。跟产房门口的二愣子一样。
这时候我就会特别想家,
因为以前放学回来的时候,也是这样扔下书包就去厨房看老妈做饭,然后抓一个油爆虾或者油面筋塞肉放在嘴里。
烫得我满嘴西班牙话。
老妈总是先假惺惺的问咸淡如何,然后飞起一脚,叫我去洗手。
这种曾经唾手可得的幸福,
下决心不能再随手乱放。
且行且珍惜。
October 07

补:拉马丹见闻

背景:
斋月是回历九月,按回历是根据月亮的运行而计算的历法〔阴历〕。古兰经∶

「『来麦丹』〔Ramadan〕月,是古兰〔首次〕下降的月,古兰是世人的引导,并是领导的证明与标准。 处在此月〔在家〕的人,当封斋。•••••」〔第二章一八五节〕


拉马丹(Ramadam)就这么拖拖拉拉、马马虎虎、担惊受怕的过去了。一时间难以恢复到正常的状态。
上班的时间又调整回8点,险些误了班车。
不过中午的时候,肚子还是老实的叫了。看来它比我要着急结束斋月。

期间收到了不少好友的关心和问候,当被告知这里正在斋月的时候,很多人的下巴壳掉到了地上。习惯性的,从字面上他们把斋月理解为吃素。往日里无肉不欢的兄弟姐妹实在无法接受一个月的素食。

食素虽然不致命,对他们来说却是“要命”的。 Death 和 Dying 的区别。(旁白:恩,以后就可以这样拿来对儿子/女儿解释,就像姜昆解释生气、抓狂和哭笑不得一样。)

然后当我对他们一一解释,穆斯林的斋戒其实是从凌晨四点到晚上六点不许进食和饮水, 他们的眼镜又紧跟着掉到了下巴上。
于是同志们纷纷表示,这样的教义实在是让人无法接受,即使有允许你娶四个老婆的诱惑放在那里,也不足以弥补身体的抗议。

用小C的话来说,这是要让人蜕层皮的。

我暗自惊讶,他居然能如此精准的命中斋月的奥义。

据小道消息,斋月禁食的目的就是类似于让身体内清气上升,浊气下降的功效。个人认为和蜕皮有异曲同工之能。

通常经过将近一个月的聚清排浊,穆斯林们会蜂拥到圣地麦加虔心朝圣。
为了使身体尽量远离俗尘,他们会细心沐浴,然后裹以两块长布避羞。
据说这样有助于穆斯林冥想祈祷,从而更接近于真主。
他们会忏悔一年来的劣行,真心祈求主的宽恕,他们也会为来年祈福,承诺往后向善,永不再犯过去的错误。
在此之后,认识或不认识的人就会聚在一起庆祝,
据说每人会购买一头绵羊,然后仅取一小部分食用,剩下的部分将被捐赠给世界上饱受贫瘠折磨的地方,去救赎他们的困苦,播撒真主的恩泽。

刚刚说到的穆斯林,其实远不限于沙特,世界上所有的穆斯林,包括中国的、巴基斯坦的、印度的、菲律宾的、苏丹的、阿联酋的等等,只要经济条件允许,都会不远万里,赶到圣地麦加。那里是他们信仰中世界的中心和源头,是最接近真神的地方。只有最虔诚的穆斯林才能进入。如果经济条件不足以承担旅行费用,那么每个穆斯林至少也要在油尽灯枯之前去一次麦加。

可想而知,运输部门将承担多少大的压力,几乎所有交通工具都被利用了。然而依旧捉襟见肘。就跟春运一样,当物资流、务工流和学生流同时发威,任何一个国家的运输部门都会头痛无比。包括生性乐观、“举重若轻”的阿拉伯人民。这也就是为什么很多穆斯林现在也开始抽烟的原因。

而那些非穆斯林就会趁这个时候返家省亲,“抽个时间,常回家看看”
所以这个时候,无论是出、入阿拉伯都是不合时宜的,运力的紧张势必导致运费的上涨。机票和航运费都奇贵无比。

那些不能去圣地的,也会就地祷告、庆祝以及派送食物,据说真主都会将这些善举看在眼里,以抵消你犯下的罪孽或赐福今后的生活。
听说有人就在路上莫名其妙收到过一桶食用油、面粉和一些小吃。

斋月的时候,整个阿拉伯就像是进入了一种奇异的蒙太奇视角,犹如小马哥的飞身双枪和骇客帝国的腾身飞踢。由于白天都没有正经的进食和饮水,所以大多数穆斯林白天都处于精神恍惚的状态。从医学的角度上讲,这是低糖和缺氧的正常反应,很多人白天昏昏欲睡,对他们说话总是要做好说第二第三遍的准备。

可想而知,虽然他们对外宣称还是照常办公,但是这样的状态只怕一天能办成一两件事就相当不易了。

更恐怖的是,豪爽的阿拉伯人如果想睡觉了,即使是手握方向盘的时候也“当仁不让”。(旁白:无法阻挡的豪爽。)所以,除了运力紧张之外,斋月的另一个现象,就是车祸多。就算你每天只出门半个小时,也能在路上看到1-2起交通事故。只要觉得路堵住了,不用看也能知道,又有追尾了。

 然而到了夜晚,补充了身体机能的阿拉伯人纷纷倾巢出动。可惜在这个没有电影院、没有酒吧、没有k歌房、没有保龄球、桌球等等等等的国家,人们能做的就是举家出来吃饭和逛商店。所以精明的商人都会在这个时候就会退出各种各样的促销优惠。很多店家会营业到凌晨三点,甚至通宵达旦。所以如果要大肆采购的话,这个时候应该是最佳出手时机。

 过了斋月,物价往往会回升一些,尤其是巧克力和椰枣等礼品,宛如中国的春节,个个磨刀霍霍。

September 16

The shoe-thrower

Muntazer al-Zaidi, who threw his shoes at George Bush, will be set free on 14 September. Martin Chulov meets the family of a man who became a symbol of resistance to the US
As his size 10s spun through the air towards George W Bush, Muntazer al-Zaidi – the man the world now knows as the shoe-thrower – was bracing for an American bullet.
"He thought the secret service was going to shoot him," says Zaidi's younger brother, Maitham. "He expected that, and he was not afraid to die."
Zaidi's actions during the former US president's swansong visit to Iraq last December have not stopped reverberating in the nine months since.
Next Monday, when the journalist walks out of prison, his 10 raging seconds, which came to define his country's last six miserable years, are set to take on a new life even more dramatic than the opening act.
Across Iraq and in every corner of the Arab world, Zaidi is being feted. The 20 words or so he spat at Bush – "This is your farewell kiss, you dog. This is for the widows and orphans of Iraq" – have been immortalised, and in many cases memorised.
Pictures of the president ducking have been etched onto walls across Baghdad, made into T-shirts in Egypt, and appeared in children's games in Turkey.
Zaidi has won the adulation of millions, who believe his act of defiance did what their leaders had been too cowed to do.
Iraq has been short of heroes since the dark days of Saddam Hussein, and many civilians are bestowing greatness on the figure that finally took the fight to an overlord.
"He is a David and Goliath figure," said Salah al-Janabi, a white goods salesman in downtown Baghdad. "When the history books are written, they will look back on this episode with great acclaim. Al-Zaidi's shoes were his slingshot."
From his prison cell, Zaidi has a sense of the gathering fuss, but not the full extent of the benefactors and patrons preparing for his release.
A new four-bedroom home has been built by his former boss. A new car – and the promise of many more – awaits.
Pledges of harems, money and healthcare are pouring in to his employers, the al-Baghdadia television channel.
"One Iraqi who lived in Morocco called to offer to send his daughter to be Muntazer's wife," said editor Abdul Hamid al-Saij.
"Another called from Saudi offering $10m for his shoes, and another called from Morocco offering a gold-saddled horse.
"After the event, we had callers from Palestine and many women asking to marry him, but we didn't take their names. Many of their reactions were emotional. We will see what happens when he is freed."
From the West Bank town of Nablus, Ahmed Jouda saw the incident on television news and felt so moved that he called together his relatives for a meeting in a nearby reception hall.
Jouda, 75, a farmer and head of a large extended family, convinced his relatives to contribute tens of thousands of dollars to support Zaidi's legal case.
Jouda himself decided to sell half his herd of goats; another man asked if he might offer a young woman from his family as a bride. Jouda said he would, if Zaidi was interested.
"I said we are willing to present him with a bride loaded with gold," said Jouda. "We are people of our word. If he decided to marry one of our daughters we would respect what we said.
"We are compassionate and supportive to the Iraqi people for what they have gone through.
"We are people who have tasted the bitterness, sorrow and agony of occupation too. What he did, he did for all the Arabs, not just the Iraqis, because Bush was the reason behind the problems of all the Arab world."
Zaidi's brother insists that no one put Muntazer up to such an act. But he revealed that Muntazer had told him he had pre-scripted at least one line ahead of the fateful press conference.
From the roof of his brother's new home, Maitham al-Zaidi said: "He always thought he would die as a martyr, either by al-Qaida or the Americans. More than once he was kidnapped by insurgents. He was surprised that Bush's guards didn't shoot him on the spot."
Muntazer al-Zaidi has told Maitham, and another brother, Vergam, that he is planning to open an orphanage when he leaves prison and will not work again as a journalist.
"He doesn't want his work to be a circus," said Vergam. "Every time he asked someone a difficult question they would have responded by asking whether he was going to throw his shoes at them."
Muntazer has alleged that after his actions he was tortured by government officials. Medical reports say he has lost at least one tooth and has two broken ribs and a broken foot that have not healed properly.
"He will stay in Iraq, but first he has to leave the country to get his health fixed," said Vergam.
In the run-up to his release, Maitham has a sense of the reception awaiting his brother.
"I feel like Michael Jackson at the moment. Everywhere I go, people are taking pictures of me and asking for my photo. If they do that for me, what will they do for Muntazer himself?"
 

他那双10码的鞋子在空中旋转着飞向乔治·W·布什的时候,Muntazer al-Zaidi这位举世皆知的扔鞋者正准备迎接美国人射来的子弹。

他当时觉得美国特工会毙了他,”Zaidi的弟弟Maitham说,他早想到了这一点,他不怕死。

从去年12月美国前总统月卸任前访问伊拉克到今天已经过去9个月了,但Zaidi的惊人之举至今仍余波未平。如果说Zaidi去年那次10秒钟的暴怒是伊拉克人民过去六年中悲惨生活的真实写照,那么当他下周一刑满释放的时候,这位记者的新生活注定比开场的一幕更有戏剧性。


在全伊拉克乃至整个阿拉伯世界,人们都在称颂Zaidi。他甩给小布什的20多个字——“这是送给你的临别一吻,你这只狗。这是为了伊拉克的所有孤儿寡母”——已经成为不朽的佳话,甚至被很多人背诵下来。美国总统低头躲鞋的画面被刻在巴格达大街小巷的墙壁上,印在埃及的T恤上,出现在土耳其儿童的游戏里。

有数以百万计的崇拜者称颂Zaidi义举,他们相信Zaidi不屈的抗争正是他们他们的懦弱的国家领导人不敢做的。自从萨达姆黑暗的政权开始,伊拉克人缺少自己的英雄,而站出来对抗美国领主的Zaidi在许多伊拉克平民的心中就成了伟人。

他是一个像击败歌利亚的大卫式传奇人物,巴格达闹市区的家电推销员Salah al-Janabi说,当人们编写历史书的时候,他们将满怀赞许地回顾这一段。Al-Zaidi的鞋子就是他的弹弓(译注:大卫用弹弓打败巨人歌利亚)。

Zaidi
在狱中就多少感觉到了他逐渐飙升的人气,但他绝不会料到大大小小的资助者们为了迎接他出狱做了多少工作。


Zaidi
以前的老板为他新建了一座有四个卧室的房子。一辆崭新的汽车——和更多允诺要送给Zaidi的汽车——也在等着他。嫁女、送钱、提供医疗服务等各种各样好承诺如潮水般涌向雇佣Zaidi的巴格达迪亚电视台。一个住在摩洛哥的伊拉克人打电话来说想把自己的女儿送给Zaidi做妻子,电视台编导Abdul Hamid al-Saij说,另一个人从沙特阿拉伯打电话来要用1000万美元买Zaidi的鞋子,还有人从摩洛哥打电话来要送给Zaidi一匹配有金质马鞍的马。扔鞋事件发生之后,有人从巴勒斯坦打电话给我们,很多妇女都想嫁给他,但我们没有记录她们的名字。她们中许多人情绪激动。我们要看看Zaidi被释放之后情况怎么样。

在西岸小镇纳布卢斯,Ahmed Jouda从电视上看到了Zaidi向布什扔鞋的消息。他当时十分感动,将亲戚召集到附近的一个招待所里开会。


75
岁的农民Jouda是一个大家族的族长。他说服族人们捐出几万美元,支援Zaidi的官司。

Jouda
自己决定卖掉一半的羊;另一个族人询问他会不会把自己家族中的一位年轻女子嫁给ZaidiJouda说只要Zaidi同意,他就会。

我说我们愿意把一个全身金饰的新娘嫁给他,”Jouda说。我们说话算话。如果Zaidi愿意娶我家的一个女儿,我们会尊重他的意愿。

我们同情并支持伊拉克人们的遭遇。我们也经历过苦难、悲伤和国家被人占领的痛苦。他扔向小布什的鞋子不只是为了伊拉克人民,也为了整个阿拉伯世界,因为小布什就是阿拉伯世界所有问题的万恶之源。

Zaidi
的兄弟坚持声称Zaidi这样做不是受人指使。但他披露说,Zaidi在那场决定命运的新闻发布会之前提前写下了至少一行文字。


站在哥哥新家的房顶上,Maitham al-Zaidi说:他一直都觉得他会以身殉道,不是被基地组织就是被美国人杀死。他被叛军绑架了不止一次。他很惊讶竟然布什的保镖没有当场向他射击。

Muntazer al-Zaidi
告诉Maitham和另外一个兄弟Vergam,他正在计划在出狱后开一家孤儿院,并且不会再从事记者工作了。


他不希望他的工作成为博人一笑的马戏,”Vergam说,每次他提出一个尖锐的问题,对方都会反问他会不会朝他们扔鞋子。

Muntazer
曾声称在扔鞋之后遭到政府官员的酷刑折磨。医学报告指出,他至少掉了一颗牙齿,两根断了的肋骨和骨折的脚一直也没有痊愈。他会留在伊拉克,但首先他必须出国疗伤,”Vergam说。


Muntazer即将刑满出狱的时候,Maitham感觉到他哥哥将要受到怎样热烈的欢迎。

我现在觉得我像迈克尔·杰克逊一样。无论我去哪儿,人们都会给我拍照,或者要我的照片。如果他们对我都是如此,那他们对Muntazer又会怎样呢?

 
 
September 15

准备完明天开会的内容之后,突然诗性大发,写这个题目就是为了证明上次的不算很长

小诗
 
太阳下班,
我却看不到星光,
刷牙,直到
满嘴血腥倒在床上,
颤动的嘴唇,
将所有的秘密,
 
塞到枕头旁。
 
谢谢
September 08

Baby Bang

 
September 07

两肋插刀其实不一定比没做准备就让小护士扎针疼

命运就是,
 
你越是急于寻找一样东西,就越是找不到,
 
等你慢慢静下心来时,它就会悄悄的出现了。
 
你越是不想看见什么,它偏偏就来什么,而且是突如其来,令人猝不及防。
 
恐怖就是,
 
当你踏着紧张的音乐,一路颤颤巍巍、抖抖花花逃进安全木屋,
 
然后上了一保险、二保险、三保险和四保险之后,长出一口浊气,音乐停止
 
接着发现宠物狗狗被忘在门外,门口响起它无助的呜咽,
 
你灵机一动,准备把它从门下狗洞抱进来,
 
突然钻进一张血盆大口,和半条狗。。。
 
我不知道是否有人理解这种紧张过后放松中再次被shock。
 
我真正想说的是
 
文化差异体现在工作中就是,
 
当命运和恐怖相结合。
 
September 05

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin


A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

 


10个丈夫,仍是处女

 

一个律师娶了一个离过十次婚的女人。

新婚之夜,她告诉新婚的丈夫,“轻一点儿,俺还是个黄花闺女。”

“啥——?!”新郎懵了。

“结过十次婚怎么可能呢?”

“唉,一号丈夫是个销售代表:他总是告诉我那事儿将来会有多爽。

二号丈夫是个软件客服:他总是弄不明白到底应该怎么办,但是他说他会研究研究然后答复我;

三号丈夫是做现场服务的:他说一切都检查诊断过了但是他就是没有办法让整个系统开工;

四号丈夫是做电话销售的:就算是他知道已经拿到了订单,他还是不知道什么时候能够发货;

五号丈夫是个工程师:他理解基础流程但是需要三年时间来研究,实施,并设计一种最尖端的方式;

六号丈夫是财务管理部门的:他以为他知道,但是不确定那是不是他的工作;

七号丈夫是做营销的:尽管他的货不错,但是他从不清楚如何来定位它;

八号丈夫是心理学家:光说不练;

九号丈夫是个妇科医生:光看不练;

十号丈夫是个集邮的:他干的只是……天哪!我真想他!但是如今我既然已经嫁给了你,我真的很激动。”

“好的,”新婚丈夫说,“但是,为啥呢?”

“你是律师。这次我知道我会被整了!”

 

 

 

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